The reclamation of self love

 For much of my life, I believed love was something I had to earn. It was something given only when I met expectations, when I performed, when I sacrificed, when I allowed others to walk all over me. I was taught that silence was my virtue, invisibility my role, and that enduring harsh words wrapped in sweetness was my responsibility. From a young age, I learned to accept the bare minimum, to keep myself small, to be silent in the face of mistreatment, and to believe that my worth was measured by how much I could give or tolerate. I thought that if I could just be quiet enough, if I could endure enough, then maybe, just maybe, I would earn a little bit of love in return. But that kind of love is not love at all. It is a transactional exchange, rooted in conditions that warp the very essence of who we are.

It wasn’t until I began walking a spiritual path, a path that led me back to myself, that I began to see the truth. I started to understand that the love I had been seeking outside of myself had always been within me. True love is not something to be earned, nor something that comes from the validation of others. It is an inherent force, a divine essence that is woven into the very fabric of who we are. It is not conditional. It does not require perfection, performance, or sacrifice. Love is a state of being, not something we can acquire through doing. It is the quiet pulse within our hearts, the breath of life itself, a reminder that we are whole, that we are worthy simply because we exist.

This spiritual realization was not a moment of sudden enlightenment, but a slow unfolding, a remembering of the love I had forgotten. Through meditation, introspection, and deep soul work, I began to shed the layers of false beliefs and conditioning that had kept me trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and self-rejection. I started to see that the criticisms I had internalized were not truths about me, but projections from others who had their own wounds. I began to understand that being kind to myself, nurturing my spirit, and honoring my boundaries were not acts of selfishness, but acts of divine self-respect. In truth, self-love is a sacred practice, an act of reverence for the divine spark that resides within each of us.

Reclaiming self-love is a process of returning to our authentic selves, of peeling back the layers of shame, guilt, and unworthiness that we have accumulated over the years. It is about reconnecting with our inner wisdom, the part of us that knows we are worthy of all the beauty and goodness that life has to offer. When we begin to love ourselves in this way, we no longer seek love from external sources to fill a void, because we understand that we are whole. We are no longer bound by the need to please others or seek approval, because we realize that our worth is not contingent on anyone else’s validation. We are enough, just as we are.

In this process of spiritual reclamation, I have come to understand that self-love is not always easy. It is a radical act of self-acceptance, especially when the world has taught us to shrink ourselves, to apologize for our existence, to make ourselves smaller to fit into someone else’s expectations. But true self-love demands that we take up space, that we stand in our own power, that we say yes to our own truth, even when it feels uncomfortable. It requires us to honor ourselves fully, without guilt, without shame, without apology. It is about embracing all of who we are, the light, the shadow, the messiness, the beauty, the wisdom, the imperfections.

In this reclamation, I have learned to listen to my inner voice, the one that has always known my worth, even when I couldn’t hear it. I have learned to quiet the external noise and come into alignment with my soul’s purpose. When we begin to love ourselves in this way, we unlock a deep sense of peace. We become free from the need to seek validation from outside sources. We stop trying to prove our worth and start living in the truth of who we are.

Self-love is not just a practice, it is a journey, a journey of deep spiritual growth, of returning to our divine nature, of remembering that we are inherently worthy. It is about opening ourselves to the love that flows through us and all around us, trusting that we are deserving of all the goodness the universe has to offer. Through this journey, I have come to see that love is not something we have to earn, but something we are born with. It is the essence of our being, and when we reclaim it, we reclaim our wholeness, our power, and our peace.

And so, I continue this journey of self-love. I allow myself to be seen, to be heard, to take up space in this world. I honor the divine within me and trust that, as I love myself more fully, I open the door for deeper connections with others. Love is not something I must chase, but something I must allow to flow freely, from the source within me, into the world.

~Shanti Freedom Das